Skip to main content

We'll never make it and we don't need to...

Do you ever find yourself just driving along and suddenly, God speaks?

That happened to me this morning. I was praying and working through some things in my head while listening to some (I hoped) uplifting music. I don’t know if you would call it a spiritual battle or just an old habit of believing the wrong thing – but whatever it was had my head in knots. I found myself speaking aloud and said, “God, I have just been trying to be quiet!” And in an instant, I sensed His response before I had barely gotten the words past my lips,

“When did I tell you that’s what I wanted?”

If I could have stopped my car in the middle of the highway, I would have. I was that stunned. I kind of gaped open mouthed out the window and punched my radio off. What? Seriously? All this time I felt like that’s what He wanted – for me to just keep quiet, keep it in and just deal with it already. But as it turns out – I was wrong. I wasn’t helping anyone, least of all myself, by keeping it stuffed inside.

Not asking for help or for a shoulder to lean on when I really needed it was not only hindering me (because sometimes we really do need crutches) and it was placing a cubicle around me and those in my life. I wasn’t telling my husband something was wrong. I wasn’t telling my best friends that something was wrong. I was barely telling God something was wrong. For whatever reason, I felt like I should just, “Handle it.” Mainly because I had felt like I had been enough trouble already. Hmm, doesn’t really sound like God, does it?

Our sermon yesterday had me alternately wanting to shout, “Amen!”, raise my hand and squeal, “Me, too!”, and of course, burst into tears. We’re going through a series on forgiveness and yesterday’s lesson was on forgiving ourselves. Yesterday I spent time in sprawled out on my bed with my Bible, journal, Bible Study workbook (we’re going through Esther) and my iPod and tried to hash out all that needed hashing out. One of the things that stood out to me via the sermon was the lies of Satan’s that we believe – particularly the one that says we believe our identity comes from what others say about us or how they treat us.

I will admit to getting hung up on that lie every – single – time.

I have had the life-long habit of assuming if I’m enough of this or less of that, then all will be well. I’m a people-pleaser. I like it when people are happy. I like taking care of the people I love. And I try really, really hard to 1) be perfect and 2) be everything to everyone. Anyone else have a clue that this type of mentality just doesn’t work? Ever?

Since becoming more and more aware of this bump in the road that continually trips me up, I’ve been becoming more and more quiet and secluding myself away and only allowing God in. I have to say it’s made all the difference. I’m the type that will often go to someone for answers – instead of just holing up in my room and waiting on God. Waiting on God is amazing. Because when He answers – like this morning – it causes you to catch your breath and think, “Man, He must really love me.” But being quiet for a time doesn't mean being quiet forever.

So, suffice to say, I’m not only learning a lot, but I’m being freed from a lot. I’m so thankful. This morning I was just crying out to God and He didn’t miss it. He was right there. Right on time. Right there to shoot an arrow of truth through my shield of self-preservation when I needed it the most. Before I marched into battle on my own with the idea that I was going to get somewhere.

It’s amazing how love grabs us and rights us. Not only do I experience God’s love in taking me by the hand and leading me back to what is true, but He provides other formats to get His point across. He’s not limited. He’ll use an unexpected talk with a best friend. Or a long email from someone who I consider family. Or my husband simply saying, “You can do this.” Just that little push. That two ounces of support. That thumbs up.

It’s all God, every time. Just because He can.

“God proves to be good to the man
who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.”
~ Lamentations 3:25-31




SONG IN MY HEAD: Even Then, Nichole Nordeman

Comments

  1. I love this scripture. Is it the Message??

    "I have had the life-long habit of assuming if I’m enough of this or less of that, then all will be well. I’m a people-pleaser. I like it when people are happy. I like taking care of the people I love. And I try really, really hard to 1) be perfect and 2) be everything to everyone. Anyone else have a clue that this type of mentality just doesn’t work? Ever?"

    *raiseshand* I think I have just recently figured it out. And it is so FREEING to release yourself from what you think others expect of you and from trying to be perfect. We are such limited and fickle creatures. *rollseyes*

    Love this. Love you. xoxo.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

{ HOW DEEP HOW WIDE HOW HIGH }

There are two ways to live life.

It's all miracle. Wondrous. Awesome.

And... not.

There's a phrase I love a whole lot and I flash it a around in my hashtags pretty much always. Wait for it. Brace yourself. It's pretty fantastic: "Don't be a miserable cow."

I mean, how great is that?!

I'm the crazy Mom who pulls over to point out sunrises or sunsets. I'll stop to take pictures of the sky or detour to our church parking lot to see how the sky looks over the pond. My kids know I do this and in due time, I fully suspect them to connect the dots and discover Who I'm really chasing after. Who I'm trying to get close to in those moments of sky art glory.

On Valentine's Day morning, I made my way to the end of the icy driveway with my seven year old. I usually don't accompany him to the spot where he stands and waits for the bus, but this particular morning, I was forced to brave the elements. Trash day. So, we stood and shivered and stomped on the …

Tale as old as time: a different sort of review...

Is there any more beautiful notes than the first few tones of the dramatic prologue to Beauty and the Beast? When Disney released its animated version in 1991, my little ten year old heart was completely enraptured. Enchanted. I am never not moved by the overview of the roses, the squinting through brambles to see the castle aching and looming large against the sky.

Last night I swung by RedBox and picked up the newest version, since I'm like the only person on the planet who hasn't seen it, yet. I was ready for some uninterrupted girl time - just me and my mini Ben & Jerry's. I couldn't get the kids to bed fast enough (which is ironic, because I allowed them to stay up later than normal - the things we do as mothers that never make sense to anyone). I had my evening planned out and suddenly I had unending patience and energy. Funny how self-care works.

I settled deeper into my couch, held the ice cream close and got ready for an evening free of thinking and lists …

{ IT'S YOUR BREATH IN OUR LUNGS }

I've been encouraged to write. Challenged. Read it on pages and in between lines. Heard it in a song. Write, write, write. The ones who know me so well... they tell me. "Where are you? Why aren't you doing this thing that you were given to do?" And... I don't know. I've got kids, man. I've got responsibilities and stuffed calendars and I just sometimes want to sit in my comfy pants and eat Starburst Jellybeans and binge on a favorite show. Sometimes... a lot of times... I think: what could I possibly have to offer? I can't even get caught up on laundry. I feel like I'm kind of a mess. There's not much inspirational about that.

But, I'll admit... when it's quiet? When I have space to hear the strum of my heart and the pounding of dreams racing through my head, like the agile feet of a runner, Reebok's smacking the asphalt? I feel it. I feel it right now. My spirit is knocking on a door I keep on locking up. Oh sure, pull the laptop o…