I had forgotten how much I love Little Debbie Christmas cakes, but then I impulse-bought a box this afternoon and remembered. The only downside? They are packaged in sets of two, which means I am faced with this great dilema every time I meander over to the pantry: do I consume both of them myself, in a fit of utter delight and gluttony? But if I do, how do I handle the pesky obligatory feeling to share one of them with my husband? Why can't some things just be easy?!
On other notes, I think it's completely wrong to be wide awake at 3 a.m. nearly every morning. My friend, Shauna, informed me that she feels pregnancy-insomnia is God's way of preparing us women for all the sleep we will lose out on once the baby arrives. I keep trying to remember that and am searching for a way to be thankful for the preparation. I'm a pretty optimistic person, but trying to be "happy" that I'm all alert and thoughtful when I should be unconscious is proving to be a stretch even for me.
Speaking of pregnancy, I am nearing the end of the 2nd Trimester and I'm starting to feel as big as a barn. In reality, I know that I'm not, but physically I feel like an Oompa Loompa. When we made a quick stop at the store yesterday so I could pick up garlic bread and milk, I was very aware that for the first time I was actually waddling... not walking... waddling. Oh gosh.
And for the record, I'm not complaining about being pregnant. I'm thankful off my gourd that we're expecting this little guy! It seems, however, that there is this stigma that, when pregnant, you're not allowed to say what hurts or what's annoying or what's wearing you down, for fear that someone will snap back with, "Well, at least you're pregnant!" I feel very grateful and very blessed that I have had a very happy, healthy and safe pregnancy up to this point. But that doesn't mean I'm not tired, that my back doesn't ache, that I can't get into a comfortable position to sleep in and stay asleep in, or that I don't miss eating bleu cheese crumbles on my chicken, ranch, and guacamole wrap.
I was chatting with a friend along this topic of pregnancy, babies and people's responses the other day and I think there is a lot you deal with pre-baby's arrival that helps you mature in that "mama bear" quality. From the start you get responses to your every action, such as, "You're announcing it now that you're pregnant? Isn't it a little early?" or "You turned down the swine flu vaccine?!" Everything comes under scrutiny, from your own plans for labor to why or why not you're planning on home schooling, why or why not about this or or or or or. And you start learning to stick to your guns, to be protective of your little cub. Someone may or may not agree, but that doesn't mean we're not right in what we're doing, planning, etc. for our child.
I hope I don't sound as angsty as I think I do. If so, it's only because my clock is saying 3:30 a.m..... surely you'll forgive me.
On non-pregnancy notes (did someone just say, "Finally?!") I love how the Christmas season brings out the best in everyone (you can't tell, but I'm being sarcastic.). Yesterday, while in the midst of a good deed for a perfect stranger, another perfect stranger had to get her tail feathers all ruffled up and flounce by us with a none-too-subtle, "Ohgoodgrief!" My immediate response was to smack her, but I refrained.
I can understand being irritated... it's happened to me a few times. I guess I'm always surprised when Mr. Nasty rears his ugly head, especially in public and especially when it's a grown adult. I always end up thinking, "Shouldn't they know better?!" But then, of course, this leads me to internally wondering about the moments when I surely should have "known better" but did quite the opposite. And I always come away from such an experience hoping that if/when I am faced with a similar opportunity to offer either a curse or a blessing, that I offer the latter. But maybe that's just me.
There. I guess that's all I have at this hour. I'm going to attempt to crawl back into bed and am hoping for visions of sugar plums to dance in my head... And if not, well, there's always sleep to be had somewhere else down the road.... I think. I hope.
"Not being able to sleep is terrible.
You have the misery of having partied
all night... without the satisfaction."
~ Lynn Johnston