I really love my husband.
You don’t understand… he’s just such a good man. Not a stereotypical “nice” guy. Not a macho-man that throws his weight around. He’s thoughtful without being stifling, funny without being obnoxious and genuine without any sense of pretense. Tonight I was reminded just what a good man I have been blessed with… and all because he noticed that his mother was staying up late simply to open the dishwasher to air things out. No one else paid any attention and Aaron said to me, “Laura, go tell her to go to bed. We can open it up.”
Such a simple act and yet none of us, but him, had considered it. We’re all tired, zoned out and jacked up on too much pie. And while he is just as tired and just as full bellied as the rest of us, he notices. He’s aware. That is one thing I’ve always said that I loved initially about him: he pays attention. On our second date we were talking and I remember, resisting the urge to hold hands and I don’t know how we got on the topic, but I mentioned how I had never had a truly good Valentine’s Day. I was either going through break-ups at that time or was with someone who was too self absorbed to make the tiniest amount of effort. Not even two weeks later, he arrived at my parent’s place to pick me up for a date and had flowers, chocolate and a gift in his truck, waiting for me. And a card stating that it was Valentine’s Day…. in July…. just for me. Just because.
And I keep looking over at him while he leans over yet another puzzle with his Dad. Everyone else has turned in for the night and I feel so incredibly lucky, even though I don’t believe in luck, to be married to him. It’s not because of how consistent, thoughtful and good he is to me, although that is certainly part of it… it’s because of who he is at his core. And I know that he is who he is because God is Who He is. The moments I fall most in love with my husband, time and time again, are in those moments when he exhibits Christ. And he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. I don’t even think he knows I’m watching.
Only months into our relationship my car battery suddenly died, as batteries tend to do. Darn things. Anyway, I had made plans to go home for the weekend, only to get my car loaded up, jump in and find that it wouldn’t start. I was crushed. I called Aaron and his immediate response? ”I’m on my way.” We lived a good hour+ apart at the time and while I surely could have relied on one of my best girlfriends and her boyfriend, I didn’t have to. Aaron was coming to the rescue. Not because he had to. Not because I asked (because I hadn’t). Not because he was trying to impress me. But because that’s just how he is.
And I recall, vividly that day, sitting in the driver’s seat, steering, while he pushed my car to a spot on my apartment parking lot where he could work better, thinking, “This is what God’s love is like.” When the floor drops out, when the special holidays fail to be special, when the car won’t start… love is there. God meets our needs and I firmly believe that one way He tangibly meets them are through the selfless acts of his people. Of a boyfriend saying, “I’ll get you home.” or a son saying, “Go to bed, Mom – we’ll take care of this.” It’s more than common courtesy. It’s just a natural reaction to need.
A few months ago the pastor at our church made a statement in his sermon: “If you see a need, meet it!” I came home that Sunday and promptly wrote those words on a post-it and stuck it to our refrigerator. We see it multiple times a day. And I always think of it when I am asked to help, when I’m tempted to say, “Not this time.” or when someone simply falls apart before my eyes. If someone has a need, be there. If someone is talking, listen. If someone needs a place to stay, make room. “If you love Me,…” the Lord said to Peter, “… then feed my sheep.” If you see a need… meet it.
And in marriage, what better place to learn all of the numerous qualities that youmust learn to both become mature and to spend a lifetime with someone. In the earliest days of our marriage I was struck time and time again how many “little deaths” I was going through. How much of myself there was to get over. How selfish, at my core, I truly was… and same for my new husband, although I still think he’s a much better giver than I am. But I’ve had to learn (and continue to learn) that my focus is not just on me. It’s about not nudging him to death when he’s snoring and letting him rest peacefully. It’s about saying what needs to be said when it needs to be said and forgetting all the rest (nagging is not attractive, ever.) It’s about watching football when I’d rather watch Enchanted.
I love my husband. He has rescued me, defended me, cried with me and set me free. He is handsome and strong and wonderful and I feel like I am the most blessed girl on the face of the planet. But what really hits home is the truth that this is what God is like. It’s a small, imperfect, human picture, I know… but this is God’s love to us. He never fails us. He always heals. He’s true to His Word. He never goes back on His promises. The list goes on and on. He exhibits what true love looks like.
And it’s because of my love for Him and His love for me that I recognize the abundance and wonder of being loved by Aaron. It’s because God first loved me that I am able to love and be loved. Because of Christ’s love, my heart has been opened to not only the love of an Almighty Saviour, but of one of His children, my Aaron. And I know I’m 14 months into married life and I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t claim to. But what I do claim, without any hesitation is that God loves me and I know what His love feels like. And it’s because of His example that I praise Him for the love and consideration my husband shows me. I could have lived on this earth without human love and been sustained fully by God. But He saw fit to give me someone tangible, with skin on, to hold my hand, to kiss me good-bye before he goes hunting, to wait 9 months, with me, for our little miracle to arrive.
My husband is a good man, but he is good because God is good…
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen…” ~ I John 4:18-20