Skip to main content

Don't wait, don't wait...

Yesterday was my very first Mother's Day. It was surreal. It still gives me chills and makes me feel a little shocked to wake up and find that there is a baby in my house. And that he is part me and part Daddy and part himself.

I took note of his darkening eyelashes, the little pieces of hair that are growing back after a nearly complete balding process and as I was admiring his cute little self, I was startled to see a glimpse of the little boy of the future. Something about his expression and his hairline made me feel like I jumped forward a year or so and I saw my little man as a little man. Precious.

After an early morning run of little to no sleep for both myself and my little bundle of Joel, I was comforted and relieved from the exhaustion by him miraculously falling asleep and staying asleep from around 7 a.m. until nearly 11 a.m. Just what mommy needed to feel like mommy, again and not a monster. And he sweetly cooperated with his morning feeding (ie: no projectile puking all over me and the couch) and fell asleep easily, on his own, which left me to eat leftovers from my Mother's Day breakfast yesterday (thanks, honey!) and still have time to unclog the toilet in the hall. The joys of being home full time. It's not just always about cuddling a cute baby. Just so you know.

I think one of the joys of having a baby is watching your friends have babies. It's kind of like how when you're dating and see little bouncing hearts everywhere, that you want the same for those closest to you. And when you get engaged, you want them to get engaged. And when your wedding goes smoothly, you want theirs to as well. And after you go through a sixteen hour painful but awe-inspiring and in your opinion, perfect birth experience, you want the same for those you love who are growing little people,... who will grow up to be friends with your little person. Life is so cool like that. To think that my best friends are possibly having some of my son's best friends... it just makes me grin and grin. How beautiful is life when you see it all strung out and knotted together this way?

This morning after inhaling my breakfast (you never know how long you have your little spot of piece and quiet) and dealing with the minor plumbing issue of the day, I was holding my Joely-Poly in one arm and a gift for my friend, Jamie's baby girl (arriving in August!) in the other. And I was talking to Joel about this new little girl, his little friend, Heidi who would be here soon for us to love on and pray over and I was instructing him on his role of being a boy. That it's his job to look out for his little friend Heidi. That as he grows up, it's his job to be a warrior. A protector. A hero. And his bright blue eyes were locked on mine as I explained these things to him and I asked in a cooing, Mommy voice, "Are you going to be a good friend to Heidi?" and other words about princesses and manliness and you know what my son did? He grinned at me. Madly. As if to say that, yes, he understood. Yes, he could do that.


But right now, he's just my baby. Right now, if it's okay Mom, I'm just going to be little and chubby. He's 10+ lbs. of adorable that I cuddle, feed, clean up after and pray stays asleep just a little longer in the early hours of every day. Someday he'll pretend sticks are guns and that our dog, Ruger, is his horse. Someday he'll prefer to be outside with his Daddy rather than inside with me. Someday he'll grimace at all the pictures of him in his frog and "Beep Beep" car sleepers. But for now, he's little and it's okay for him to fall asleep against my shoulder. And it's okay if I can't stop kissing him and sometimes wake him up because I can't help myself.

He's just a baby.

As my husband and I learn to parent, as we learn our son, as we struggle to establish and maintain sleep patterns and bath and sleepy-time routines, we have to remember that our son, right now, is new to this life out in the open. Eating, sleeping and all that goes along with that, is new to him. Touch is new. Smells are new. Sleeping in a crib is new. Being cold, crying and those big, fat alligator tears that rip my heart out are all new. He will be big and strong and messy. And I have faith he will grow to be a good little boy, a good man who will be a good friend and good at protecting and looking out for others.

But right now, we will look out for him. We will be his heroes, his protectors. We have to be. Because he's learning everything from us. He'll learn how to be a good friend to little Heidi. He'll learn how to spell his name and look out for the good of others. He'll learn how to love. And the scary... and wonderful thing... is that he's learning that now. As we cuddle, coo and bounce our way through days and night, we're starting that process. We're starting love. In patience and in apologies for impatience, in well-timed bottles and compulsive, can't-help-ourselves kisses on his fat, little cheeks... it's love

There's a plaque I have in the main area of our house that says, "Love Begins at Home".

So it does. So it does.


  1. oh I love this. I love reading about your mothering :) I am so filled with joy from reading your posts. Seems not long ago you were still a single girl dreaming of all this and now you are here and you are just beaming with joy and I love it. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I love you girlie.

    - Tara (marliah)

  2. Happy First Mother's Day, Laura!

    (And I know exactly what you mean when you say that when your life enters a new wonderful chapter, you can't wait for your friends to experience it too!)

  3. Very well said, Laura. Happy Mother's Day!

  4. Looooooooooooove it. Makes me SO EXCITED TO BE A MOMMY!! Can't wait til we can talk about it together and have our little babies meet. Joel is in love already. *hearteyes* Heidi has nothing to be scared of. Not with big bad Joel around.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog


There are two ways to live life.

It's all miracle. Wondrous. Awesome.

And... not.

There's a phrase I love a whole lot and I flash it a around in my hashtags pretty much always. Wait for it. Brace yourself. It's pretty fantastic: "Don't be a miserable cow."

I mean, how great is that?!

I'm the crazy Mom who pulls over to point out sunrises or sunsets. I'll stop to take pictures of the sky or detour to our church parking lot to see how the sky looks over the pond. My kids know I do this and in due time, I fully suspect them to connect the dots and discover Who I'm really chasing after. Who I'm trying to get close to in those moments of sky art glory.

On Valentine's Day morning, I made my way to the end of the icy driveway with my seven year old. I usually don't accompany him to the spot where he stands and waits for the bus, but this particular morning, I was forced to brave the elements. Trash day. So, we stood and shivered and stomped on the …

Tale as old as time: a different sort of review...

Is there any more beautiful notes than the first few tones of the dramatic prologue to Beauty and the Beast? When Disney released its animated version in 1991, my little ten year old heart was completely enraptured. Enchanted. I am never not moved by the overview of the roses, the squinting through brambles to see the castle aching and looming large against the sky.

Last night I swung by RedBox and picked up the newest version, since I'm like the only person on the planet who hasn't seen it, yet. I was ready for some uninterrupted girl time - just me and my mini Ben & Jerry's. I couldn't get the kids to bed fast enough (which is ironic, because I allowed them to stay up later than normal - the things we do as mothers that never make sense to anyone). I had my evening planned out and suddenly I had unending patience and energy. Funny how self-care works.

I settled deeper into my couch, held the ice cream close and got ready for an evening free of thinking and lists …


I've been encouraged to write. Challenged. Read it on pages and in between lines. Heard it in a song. Write, write, write. The ones who know me so well... they tell me. "Where are you? Why aren't you doing this thing that you were given to do?" And... I don't know. I've got kids, man. I've got responsibilities and stuffed calendars and I just sometimes want to sit in my comfy pants and eat Starburst Jellybeans and binge on a favorite show. Sometimes... a lot of times... I think: what could I possibly have to offer? I can't even get caught up on laundry. I feel like I'm kind of a mess. There's not much inspirational about that.

But, I'll admit... when it's quiet? When I have space to hear the strum of my heart and the pounding of dreams racing through my head, like the agile feet of a runner, Reebok's smacking the asphalt? I feel it. I feel it right now. My spirit is knocking on a door I keep on locking up. Oh sure, pull the laptop o…