Skip to main content

Stand up when I can't...

I'm going to try to be posting more. Not because I have anything super tremendous to say, but because I need to write. I can't promise that my thoughts will be meaningful or even slightly worth reading - but writing I must. So, I will try to blah-blah-blah on a more regular basis. That's what I'm saying. I'll just be throwing out my thoughts of that day which could range from the mundane to, hopefully, the more worthwhile. Although, I'm honestly seeing a lot of meaningful in the mundane. I suppose I shouldn't discount the simple.

I read today that the "two pillars of love are patience and kindness". And at first, I was like, "That's nice. Makes sense." It made more sense as I was cleaning the windows in the master bathroom, when I recalled the start of the "Love Chapter": "Love is patient and love is kind." Looks like maybe there's something to that.

Sometimes I can be a very impatient, short-tempered person. I know, you'd never guess, right?! :P But I was thinking how, in terms of loving my husband, that I say I love him (and of course I do) but how my impatience negates that. If I'm not being patient, am I really loving? If I'm being unkind, am I really loving? I know you can always find ways to justify the angst and the annoyed feelings. I'm not saying sometimes the frustration isn't warranted. No one is perfect. And I think we know that, but I think our expectations (and our reaction to those expectations) say something completely different.

It's easy to say, "Oh, I know my husband is a sinner, too!" but then when you expect him to read your mind or to never be frustrated with you or the babies - that's unrealistic. And it's unfair, because surely you've been frustrated with your spouse and the kids, too, at one time or another. We are all human and we are all sinners. That doesn't excuse sin or maltreatment. I'm simply talking just day-to-day kindness towards one another. Consideration. Patience.

The Bible instructs men to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. I think most everyone gets why that makes sense. Women crave that romance and emotionalism, typically, a little more then men. But a man wants respect. He wants to be courageous. He wants to provide for his family. Sometimes I think we get that big picture, but we kind of space when it comes to all the things that add up to fulfilling those commands.

Can a wife really be showing her husband respect if she is being unkind to him? If she is sharp and snarky when responding to him, is that honor? Is it love for a wife if a husband is selfish or too busy even after the work day has ended to lend a hand to either hold a baby or rub a shoulder?

We're pretty familiar with "treat others the way you want to be treated" or "consider your neighbor as yourself"... but what about the person we married? Sometimes I think we're more thoughtful and sweeter with our friends or even strangers than we are our spouses or our parents or siblings. It's easy to be all light and giving when it's someone you don't know or don't live with. Luke 6:32 reads: "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?..."

This morning I emailed my husband at work and asked him if there was a job around the house that he felt needed to be taken care of that maybe I was overlooking. This was not an easy thing for me to ask and I will admit to having a little battle with my pride as I tapped out that little message. I was thinking, "I'm home all day with the baby. I do the best I can (most days). Do I really need him telling me what should or should not be my focus? Does he have dried carrots and God knows what else dried to his shirt?"

But I asked anyway. I swallowed my pride and asked, because it is important to me to be kind to my husband. If the way spouses treat one another can affect their prayers (I Peter 3:7), then it sounds to me like it's a pretty big deal and pretty darn important that I consider my husband's perspective. Even and maybe especially when it comes to home things - which I often feel is my domain and mine to control. I told you it was a pride issue. :P

Aaron mentioned cleaning the windows, which is something we've talked about doing, but just haven't gotten around to. I told him I was considering doing the windows and since that was the only thing he could think of, I hopped to it (thankfully the baby was sleeping!) And I was very, very happy in my heart to do this task. Not only are my windows clean and shiny, but my husband feels considered and loved because this is his home, too and sometimes maybe he wants some help. Maybe he wants me to think of the things that matter to him - like clean windows - moreso than the things that matter to me (like taking more pictures of our son than I will ever be able to scrapbook).

So, today I have taken it upon myself to be patient with my husband and kind to him... and also genuinely thoughtful to those around me; to curb my impatience and reign in my shortcomings (it's going to take a lot of reigning in.) Exhibit some self-control. Look outside the box, away from the mirror, focus on what is in front of me, instead of looking inward.

So, maybe take a break today and tell yourself, "It's not all about me." and see where that leads... (and come back here and share your story!)


"See that no one repays another
with evil for evil,
but always seek after
that which is good
for one another."

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

{ I've Heard the Whisper ... }

Nobody likes to sit in the dark.
That’s what I tell him as I flip on the light so he can clearly see his granola bar, handful of Froot Loops and his Star Wars vitamins.
No one wants darkness.  It’s heavy and depressing.  Oppressing. It feels sneaky and devious. It can feel scary and hopeless.  It’s a wet blanket on the warm fire of a sun-filled day. It snuffs out all the hope and brilliance, ideas and dreams, that you had during the day. In the dark it all shifts. It all feels worn and tired, old and pointless; you feel lost in a forest of trees with eyes and faces and arms and you wonder why you ever thought you could find your way out or change the world.
The darkness can be such a storyteller of lies.
The darkness can be such a sanctuary for the Teller of all the lies. 
And the darkness can be banished... just. like. that.
“Let there be light.”

God proved in the very beginning, before elephants and man and oceans and babies... He proved first that beyond creating, beyond teaching leaves …

Your Love is Fierce...

I was so angry. So painfully, gut-wrenchingly, angry.
I didn’t know that’s what it was.
January was exhausting, sickly, draining. It clipped fast on the heels of December and holidays and before I knew it, what should have been a day to celebrate my beautiful niece, was a reminder that she wasn’t here. And I was a mess all day. Cried about everything. I had a purple heart on the calendar and I was destroyed.
I went to choir practice the following Wednesday. I usually always want to go. This week, I didn’t. I felt shattered and exposed and I knew that any song, every song, would set me off. I knew I needed to go, something deep in my spirit knew, but I was so apprehensive. One chorus. One bridge. One well-meaning repeat and I would be undone. I had been breaking and re-breaking in a thousand different ways since October. I was falling apart in every direction.
I had to leave during practice once that night. Went into the ladies room and sobbed so loud, before I could stop myself. My grief …

{ IT'S YOUR BREATH IN OUR LUNGS }

I've been encouraged to write. Challenged. Read it on pages and in between lines. Heard it in a song. Write, write, write. The ones who know me so well... they tell me. "Where are you? Why aren't you doing this thing that you were given to do?" And... I don't know. I've got kids, man. I've got responsibilities and stuffed calendars and I just sometimes want to sit in my comfy pants and eat Starburst Jellybeans and binge on a favorite show. Sometimes... a lot of times... I think: what could I possibly have to offer? I can't even get caught up on laundry. I feel like I'm kind of a mess. There's not much inspirational about that.

But, I'll admit... when it's quiet? When I have space to hear the strum of my heart and the pounding of dreams racing through my head, like the agile feet of a runner, Reebok's smacking the asphalt? I feel it. I feel it right now. My spirit is knocking on a door I keep on locking up. Oh sure, pull the laptop o…