Skip to main content

So my husband doesn't read my blog...


My husband loves me a lot.  He works so hard for me and our little family.  He’s incredibly selfless, loving and considerate.  He’s intelligent and possess a massive amount of common sense.  I admire him.  I love him.  Duh.

For a long while, I’ve wanted an iPhone.  I felt like it would have some real benefits - like coupons and fitness apps and the like.  I thought it would come in handy in situations when I was out with a girlfriend and we missed an exit or wanted to know where the nearest Starbucks was.  Figured it might be the magic key to this thing called potty training.

My basic phone has been up for an upgrade for over a year.  It’s been steadily losing its charge to the point that it’s just ridiculous.  It was time for a new phone - smart or basic - but a new phone nonetheless.  We’ve been weighing pricing options, how to get the most bang for our buck and all those kinds of grown-up things.  

I just posted a blog about why I was going to stick with a basic phone.

And yesterday my husband went to Verizon and came home with an iPhone for me.

AGH.  Ruining me!  But hey, thanks, babe!  *reallyreallywantedone*

But here’s the thing... I have had an increasing awareness of the “evils” of having everything at your fingertips.  But to be honest, I’ve had that forever.  I’ve had a laptop with an instant online connection for as long as I can remember.  I’ve always had the challenge to exercise self control when it comes to online work and entertainment.  And I’ve struggled.  Because it’s RIGHT here.  All the time.  On my kitchen counter.  Just begging me to disconnect from whatever and connect to who-knows-what or why.  Just get distracted.

I figured if I can’t handle a laptop, then I certainly will be drowning with a smartphone.

But last night as I did dishes, I came to a realization.  

For me, it would have been easy to go the route of the basic phone.  But a greater challenge would be having a smartphone and having to learn some self-control and some self-denial.  It would have been less painful to just stick with my old, not-staying-charged phone.  But it wouldn’t have promoted any growth or maturity.  And that is ultimately what I’m after.

We weighed the pros and cons of smart vs. basic.  I confessed my tendency to zone out - most times out of necessity, but still.  When you find yourself obsessively refreshing a page you just looked at two seconds ago and realize you are mindlessly staring... there’s a bigger problem at hand.  And it has little to do with social media or pinning awesome DIY projects.  And in some ways it’s an addiction - a compulsive habit - and admitting it is freedom.

But honestly?  I almost want to say that calling it an “addiction” or “habit” is the easy way out.  And that’s saying something, cause admitting you have a problem with compulsion to your husband, best friend or blog readers (ha) is certainly not a comfortable or “easy” thing to just put out there.  Let me just say that.

But what I find is truly hard?  To say I have a problem with self-control.  To say I have a problem with being lazy and standing here bent over my laptop while I see dishes in the sink, a basket of laundry to be put away and two precious boys begging for my attention, scurrying around my legs as I say, “Just give Mommy one more minute.”  And I know I'm not the only one.  This is deeper than laptops and smartphones and tablets.  It's about choosing what's better vs. what would just immediately satisfy or occupy us.

How about I give them one more minute?

How about I give my home the blessed attention it deserves?

How about I give my husband my full focus instead of feeling irritated that he’s interrupting my emailing, “liking” and online shopping with whatever he wants to tell me?

How about I write a card instead of another Facebook status?

How about I send an actual photograph to someone who would appreciate it vs. posting fifty random pics online?

How about I tackle some items on my to-do list instead of pinning a million ideas I never really plan to do anyway?

How about I start that workout program I’ve been thinking about for months?

We say we’re so busy and we don’t have time, but we have all the time we need to accomplish everything God wants for us.  The problem is that we say, “Yes” to what is good but not best.  We fill free moments that could be productive with mindless activity or things that don’t amount to a hill of beans in the end.  

I’m excited about my iPhone.  I won’t lie.  It’s pretty cool.  I texted my best friend, Jamie this morning and told her I haven’t been this giddy and excited since I got engaged.  It’s pretty.  It’s shiny.  It fits in my hand.  But I have already chosen to be discerning about what apps I even choose to download and I think long and hard about the true necessity before tapping “install”.  

I currently do not have Facebook or Pinterest on my phone and I think it’ll stay that way.  There’s no need for me to be that connected and ultimately my smartphone is for smart things... like coupons and not getting lost.  I nearly tripped, though, and installed Facebook today, because I was bored and curious and had my phone right there and the computer downstairs - but I didn’t.  I may be an adult and have my own say about a lot of things, but I need to tell myself, “No.”  I need to learn to choose better, even if good and acceptable is staring me in the face.  

I want the space for best.  And the only room that needs to be redone is my heart.  And the only renewing that needs to take place is in my mind.  And the conviction needs to be evident in my actions.   And I'm only going to get strong by working it all out and facing it.  Not ignoring or denying or avoiding.  So yes, I have a smartphone.  

But it’s still back to and continuing on in the basics - back to what matters most - for me.


“And this is my prayer: that 
your love may abound
more and more in knowledge and 
depth of insight, so that you may 
be able to discern what is best
and may be pure and blameless 
for the day of Christ, filled 
with the fruit of righteousness 
that comes through 
Jesus Christ - to the glory 
and praise of God."
~  P h i l i p p i a n s   1 : 9 - 1 1 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

{ I've Heard the Whisper ... }

Nobody likes to sit in the dark.
That’s what I tell him as I flip on the light so he can clearly see his granola bar, handful of Froot Loops and his Star Wars vitamins.
No one wants darkness.  It’s heavy and depressing.  Oppressing. It feels sneaky and devious. It can feel scary and hopeless.  It’s a wet blanket on the warm fire of a sun-filled day. It snuffs out all the hope and brilliance, ideas and dreams, that you had during the day. In the dark it all shifts. It all feels worn and tired, old and pointless; you feel lost in a forest of trees with eyes and faces and arms and you wonder why you ever thought you could find your way out or change the world.
The darkness can be such a storyteller of lies.
The darkness can be such a sanctuary for the Teller of all the lies. 
And the darkness can be banished... just. like. that.
“Let there be light.”

God proved in the very beginning, before elephants and man and oceans and babies... He proved first that beyond creating, beyond teaching leaves …

Your Love is Fierce...

I was so angry. So painfully, gut-wrenchingly, angry.
I didn’t know that’s what it was.
January was exhausting, sickly, draining. It clipped fast on the heels of December and holidays and before I knew it, what should have been a day to celebrate my beautiful niece, was a reminder that she wasn’t here. And I was a mess all day. Cried about everything. I had a purple heart on the calendar and I was destroyed.
I went to choir practice the following Wednesday. I usually always want to go. This week, I didn’t. I felt shattered and exposed and I knew that any song, every song, would set me off. I knew I needed to go, something deep in my spirit knew, but I was so apprehensive. One chorus. One bridge. One well-meaning repeat and I would be undone. I had been breaking and re-breaking in a thousand different ways since October. I was falling apart in every direction.
I had to leave during practice once that night. Went into the ladies room and sobbed so loud, before I could stop myself. My grief …

{ IT'S YOUR BREATH IN OUR LUNGS }

I've been encouraged to write. Challenged. Read it on pages and in between lines. Heard it in a song. Write, write, write. The ones who know me so well... they tell me. "Where are you? Why aren't you doing this thing that you were given to do?" And... I don't know. I've got kids, man. I've got responsibilities and stuffed calendars and I just sometimes want to sit in my comfy pants and eat Starburst Jellybeans and binge on a favorite show. Sometimes... a lot of times... I think: what could I possibly have to offer? I can't even get caught up on laundry. I feel like I'm kind of a mess. There's not much inspirational about that.

But, I'll admit... when it's quiet? When I have space to hear the strum of my heart and the pounding of dreams racing through my head, like the agile feet of a runner, Reebok's smacking the asphalt? I feel it. I feel it right now. My spirit is knocking on a door I keep on locking up. Oh sure, pull the laptop o…