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Showing posts from 2017

Tale as old as time: a different sort of review...

Is there any more beautiful notes than the first few tones of the dramatic prologue to Beauty and the Beast? When Disney released its animated version in 1991, my little ten year old heart was completely enraptured. Enchanted. I am never not moved by the overview of the roses, the squinting through brambles to see the castle aching and looming large against the sky.

Last night I swung by RedBox and picked up the newest version, since I'm like the only person on the planet who hasn't seen it, yet. I was ready for some uninterrupted girl time - just me and my mini Ben & Jerry's. I couldn't get the kids to bed fast enough (which is ironic, because I allowed them to stay up later than normal - the things we do as mothers that never make sense to anyone). I had my evening planned out and suddenly I had unending patience and energy. Funny how self-care works.

I settled deeper into my couch, held the ice cream close and got ready for an evening free of thinking and lists …

{ Behold He Comes }

It was evening and I was wearing down. Finishing up some work, the babies all asleep in their beds, husband away for the night playing softball. I was in get-stuff-done mode and it felt good. Until I felt tired. I decided to stretch my legs, and by that I mean I decided to hop on Facebook and give my brain a timeout.
I was met immediately with post after post of a gorgeous double-rainbow that had visited so many of my friends. I’m kind of a sunset/sunrise chaser. My husband teases me a bit about it. Most nights I’m standing at the front door or I creep out on the damp patio in my barefeet, iPhone in hand, ready to snap the next greatest sky art. He’ll tease me as I toddle almost childlike back into the house, padding my way back to the couch in my comfy clothes.

“Did the sun set again tonight?”

He thinks he’s hilarious.
So, I see these gorgeous pictures and my eyes flit to the front windows, the side windows. What did I miss? When did I miss it? Would I have even been able to see it ou…

{ Oh, He Will. Oh, He Will. }

There's something dismissive about an alarm.

And something irresistible when it's God.

I woke up this morning at 4:59 a.m. My alarm was set for 5 a.m. I had to smile. Had my alarm gone through with its work, I might have been tempted to kick it off. Ugh, 5 a.m. is early. The night wasn't nearly long enough. I'm. Not. Moving. From. This. Spot.

But when the alarm failed to sing me awake, and instead I woke "on my own" and sensed nothing but God calling my name. A mom-version of the child Samuel, hearing the voice of God calling. Immediately my eyes pulled open. The shutters flung wide. I'm here! I'm awake! I'm up!

Within five minutes I was standing and waiting for coffee, a lit candle in my hand, ready to carry and cup up whatever God had waiting for me. I was rushed. I was feeling it in my spirit, as though if I didn't hurry, He would move on. Go wake up another daughter in another house who was ready for His words. I wanted it to be me. Desper…

{ IT'S YOUR BREATH IN OUR LUNGS }

I've been encouraged to write. Challenged. Read it on pages and in between lines. Heard it in a song. Write, write, write. The ones who know me so well... they tell me. "Where are you? Why aren't you doing this thing that you were given to do?" And... I don't know. I've got kids, man. I've got responsibilities and stuffed calendars and I just sometimes want to sit in my comfy pants and eat Starburst Jellybeans and binge on a favorite show. Sometimes... a lot of times... I think: what could I possibly have to offer? I can't even get caught up on laundry. I feel like I'm kind of a mess. There's not much inspirational about that.

But, I'll admit... when it's quiet? When I have space to hear the strum of my heart and the pounding of dreams racing through my head, like the agile feet of a runner, Reebok's smacking the asphalt? I feel it. I feel it right now. My spirit is knocking on a door I keep on locking up. Oh sure, pull the laptop o…

{ WE BURY DREAMS }

It feels extravagant.

A little silly.

I sit down with a plate of eggs, feta, chives. I fill a mason jar with exactly 8 oz. of cold milk. And I sit. I open a window, light a candle, and I sit.

My feet buzz with the history of busy. With the pressure of me on them all day, roaming the house, what could be done, should be done... what I'm too tired, too stressed, too hassled by kiddos to do. My feet pound the paneled floors, the carpeted steps. They think about hitting the treadmill.

The heels cup and burn with the relief of being done. For now.

This morning my alarm went off unexpectedly at 5:30 a.m. I have it preset just in case I think I'm going to get up and have some pocket of quiet before kids and school and diapers and all the all hits. And then before bed, sometimes the middle of the night, I go, "Nah." and turn it off. Tell Jesus that if He wants to meet with me, He can wake me up.

Pretty sure I turned the alarm off.

My husband nudged me this morning as it was …

Your Love is Fierce...

I was so angry. So painfully, gut-wrenchingly, angry.
I didn’t know that’s what it was.
January was exhausting, sickly, draining. It clipped fast on the heels of December and holidays and before I knew it, what should have been a day to celebrate my beautiful niece, was a reminder that she wasn’t here. And I was a mess all day. Cried about everything. I had a purple heart on the calendar and I was destroyed.
I went to choir practice the following Wednesday. I usually always want to go. This week, I didn’t. I felt shattered and exposed and I knew that any song, every song, would set me off. I knew I needed to go, something deep in my spirit knew, but I was so apprehensive. One chorus. One bridge. One well-meaning repeat and I would be undone. I had been breaking and re-breaking in a thousand different ways since October. I was falling apart in every direction.
I had to leave during practice once that night. Went into the ladies room and sobbed so loud, before I could stop myself. My grief …